In order for this date to go well, we're gonna to need to get a few things straight.We're gonna need to take things slow, and then fast and then slow and slower and later we're gonna need to get Arby's. And for this date to go well, you're gonna... Read more
Stealing Fig Newtons From The Tampa Airport
I just stole a pack of fig newtons from a news stand minimart in the Tampa Florida airport. To be honest, this is the most fun thing that has happened today... I ate those fuckers hidden next to this big tropical Florida plant by my gate all... Read more
Another Short NANOWRIMO Excerpt! The Open!
1.Somewhere in the night, we hit a dog with the car. It’s that shifty soot-black stretch of Route Nationale 1 where the road gets patchy in between the last lights of Kourou and the sprawling expanse of housing that meets you as you near St.... Read more
In Defense of Hangovers Part 1: There’s about a 44% chance that this drinking stuff is gonna kill me
So I figure there's a 44% chance that drinking will wind up killing me. Bear in mind now, that this is data formulated through an unbiased look at my current trajectory. It's subject to change. I've been crunching the numbers... Read more
I’m Going Up To The Roof: A Poem
If you get this, come upstairs.While you sleep, I'm awake so I gave Kitto all my cans and bottles and I gave him twenty dollars to get two slices of pizza and 4 ballantines.And I was thinking maybe you would wake up and it would be one of those... Read more
A Conversation Between Me And The Kitchen: A One Act Play
(Scene opens on me shuffling into the kitchen) Me: What's for breakfast mi amigos? Fridge: Did you just wake up? Me: Sure did. (opening fridge) Is there any water in here? Fridge: Use your eyes. Me: Quarter bottle eh, Did you see the... Read more
To Somebody Younger Than Me: A Poem by Mark Brenden
First, no matter what they tell ya (And they will) The whiskey is yr friend. And when ya come to find that all the people ya know Ya don't know none at all (And ya don't) The whiskey'll be there, like a loyal dog, A-woofin'... Read more
Making An Appointment For A Massage: A One Act Play
(Scene opens on me speaking with a local massage therapist on the phone)Me: I'm new at this, I've never actually gotten a massage before...professionally anyway. What's your specialty? Deep Tissue? Hot Stones?Massage Therapist: We do some deep... Read more
A Call To Arms: We’re Kicking Out The Jams And Looking For Writers!
I'm not sure if you folks have noticed, but the website has been getting a revamp. I've been listening to Rolling Stones records and sucking down monstrous gulps from this Bota Box of Pinot Grigio (Bota Boxes are totally tops!) and we've been fixing... Read more
Breaking Up With Toppers Pizza: A One Act Play
(curtain opens on me at a table talking to an open pizza box) Me: I just feel like, for me, right now, I'm wondering what else is out there...I need space to spread my wings. Toppers: This is a stupid. I make your heart... Read more
A Conversation Between Me and Bertha The Gigantic Flying Cockroach Who Lived In My Bathroom: A One Act Play
Setting: Dakar, Senegal, The Bathroom , Midnight (We open on me brushing my teeth and talking to Bertha, who crawls slowly across the wall.) Me: When I’m not in here, you shit on my soap bar don’t you? Bertha:... Read more
Conversation Between Me And The Internet: A One Act Play
Me: Would you call us friends? Internet: Yup. Me: K good. Do you want more wine? Internet: Hell yeah. have you seen the video of that baby giggling uncontrollably? Me: Yeah. It’s... Read more
